Comments for NWD Wedding

Comment on Catholic ceremony in CofE church? Or Catholic blessing? by Jan Harney

Jan Harney — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 23:05:46 +0000

Hi Sarah

An Anglican Vicar is a registrar and would therefore need to conduct the service – though people often request for a Minister from a different church to take part in the service. I’m sure you’ll be able to negotiate something that keeps everyone happy.

warm regards

Jan

Comment on Banns not read in Ireland? by Jan Harney

Jan Harney — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 21:53:13 +0000

Hi
The purpose of Banns is to ensure that anyone getting married has not already got a wife/husband and it was historically assumed that people in your local community would be aware of such issues and speak up. Banns are still read on 3 consecutive Sundays before the wedding. A certificate is then produced to give to the Priest who is conducting the service to confirm that no-one objected.

You’ll need to chat with your minister back home in Ireland to see what the system is there. It could be that you’ll need a license but the Vicar here advise you of this and we do have Diocesan Registrars who are Lawyers to call upon.

Sorry not to be more help but I can only find this from 7 years ago.http://www.ireland.anglican.org/index.php?do=news&newsid=1151
j x

Comment on Why does the Bride enter before the Bridesmaids? by Jan Harney

Jan Harney — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 21:43:08 +0000

Hi Kayleigh
There are no rules in Church about this. People traditionally had bridesmaids behind them to straighten the trains of their dresses and veils and ensure they didn’t snag.

Also the people ( & Groom) looking back would want to see the Bride first – but if you want a different order that is completely up to you.
Kind regards
Jan

Comment on When did the Church vows change? by Jan Harney

Jan Harney — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 21:40:14 +0000

Oh my goodness I have no idea! It sounds like Gerry Hall’s comment about women needing to play one role in the kitchen and a completely different one in the bedroom…

The church changed a lot of things during the Victorian era – and I’m sure that one would not have passed them by

Fantastic question Laura – I’ll see if any other clergy know the answer
kind regards
Jan

Comment on I haven’t decided what I believe – Church Wedding Vows by Jan Harney

Jan Harney — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 21:59:18 +0000

Hi Tamsyn

I’m afraid you won’t be able to marry in church and omit any references to God.
If you go to the Church of England wedding website http://www.yourchurchwedding.org you’ll be able to download the ceremony outline and see the wording. It’s a set liturgy with a few choices of prayer. Perhaps the current Vicar would be able to talk through some of your questions -or an Alpha course might be useful.

Hope this helps

Jan

Comment on What is the Church’s attitude to divorce? by Jan Harney

Jan Harney — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 22:20:53 +0000

Dear Reader,

I felt so sad when I read your question and the rawness of your hurt and distress is very obvious. I’m so sorry that you’ve been so badly hurt by the breakdown of your marriage and the new relationship your ex-husband has formed.

Obviously it is impossible for us to comment on individual circumstances when we know so little of the circumstances and it sounds as if the Vicar concerned tried to listen to both sides of the story and respond as fairly as possible. Sadly no-one is perfect or infallible and we are all capable of causing hurt, whether we intend to or not. Breakdown of any relationship causes pain and suffering and the ripples always extend well beyond the parties concerned.

You ask about the Church’s attitude towards divorce. The Church of England’s website says ” We believe that marriage is for life, but also recognise that sadly, some marriages do fail.” We do take marriage vows very seriously indeed but we also preach a Gospel of forgiveness and reconciliation and balancing those two things is not easy. Whatever the decision, someone is hurt and angry.

You say that this is a third marriage, which suggests that you may well have married a divorcee so it’s possible you have seen this situation from the other side. Often a new partner feels they are being ‘punished’ for the breakdown of their spouse’s first marriage which may well have happened long before they came on the scene.
As far as your comments about this website go -Strangely enough, both the editor James Cole and myself both intended NWD Wedding to be a community where people still belonged after the wedding day (hence the original choice of name of newlyweds-uk.com) – which is where most wedding companies naturally stop being involved with people. Most of the enquiries and articles that we are sent do indeed focus on the day itself or the honeymoon and we respond to them as they come in.
However, if you dig a little deeper into the website you’ll find that our ethos is very much that after the honeymoon ends the marriage begins and that relationships are to be nurtured.

We’ve also written sympathetically about breakdown of marriage in my blog. We believe that divorce is a bereavement and there is a grieving process as with any loss of this magnitude. Part of that process often involves anger and the need to hit out. The main thing – for your own sake as well as your family is to try not to let anger root itself in you as bitterness.

I do hope that in time your hurt will begin to heal and you will be able to build a new life for yourself and your family. And that (regardless of your current feelings towards Church) that your faith will sustain you in the meantime.

There is a church in every corner of the land, including the place where you now live. You can belong to that church family if you allow them in. They may be just the people to assist you with that grieving and healing process. Why not go along on Sunday and give your heart a home.

Kindest regards

Jan